Leg 43 GCLP Gran Canaria - GBYD Banjul

[Jess-b 420]

It’s been awhile since my last flight. Much of this has to do with factors beyond my control. As you may recall,I last free a VC10 into Easter Island with a bunch of RAF guys. Needless to say that once the aircraft was parked up, the real party began. It was the morning after the night before that really caused me issues. I can only describe my eventual awakening as surprising, and deeply unpleasant. During the night out, I’d become separated from the RAF guys and as i wander the streets in search of my hotel room or my next drink, a friendly local took me under their wing and helped me home. Or so I thought. In reality, I’d been kidnapped and I was shipped off easter Island to a jungle encampment somewhere in South America. To say i was unhappy with my new situation would be an understatement. I wasn’t to concerned however. As a member of the Mutley’s hangar crew, were all implanted with tracker chips, should we not report back for duty as and when Mutley decrees. So the first few days were spent keeping my spirits up and remaining cheerful.

 

On my third day of captivity, it happened. it was early morning, when suddenly, the camp was buzzed by a lo flying Cessna. Sure enough, the Mutley’s international rescue team had pounced into action. With Andrew at the controls and Needles leaning out the door, they drew my captives attention, forcing them to chase after the Cessna, deeper in to jungle. Then with the guards lost, the aircraft returned, dropping a package for me to find.

My pulse quickened and running, i grabbed the  package and furiously opened it. surely it contained a gun, money and a map of my current position to help me escape? No. Not a chance. Contained in the package was a single paperclip. A bloody paperclip! I wasn’t even handcuffed!!!! The cursing began and lasted for an hour. It got so bad that my captures returned to camp and offered to hug me, such was my state of blind anger. It was here I hit on a new plan, since my colleagues were obviously useless. Many people are familiar with Stockholm syndrome, Where a hostage begins to identify with their guards. Well I was going to in still the lesser known Vancouver syndrome, where the guards are so sorry for you, they’ll do all they can to help you out. That night, I began the long story of love, hate, betrayal and despair that is being a Mutley’s crew member. Two days later, I found myself at Santiago Airport on a flight to Spain, a thousand peso’s in my pocket and a promise to catch up at Christmas.

 

From Spain I made it home and I was very tempted to crawl inside a nice 2000 piece jigsaw, but I stayed strong.

 

Now it was time to get back in the air. My flight was to Gran Canaria where I’d welcome the baton back to Europe, if only briefly. I was pretty sure Mutley felt bad about the sodding paperclip incident, flying me from my home in Vienna business class to Gran Canaria. As I sipped my free drink and enjoyed the splendour of having an empty seat next to me, I began to mellow. Bygones are bygones I thought.

 

This was short lived. greeting the baton, I was escorted out to my waiting aircraft for my flight down to Banjul. I was hoping for a little home comfort, a nice A319 to make the journey nice and pleasant. Oh how wrong I was. What greeted me can only be described as some kind of insect with wings. The Czechoslovakian L410 is roughly the size of a penguin and about as able to fly. Oh I was not happy. My flight distance today was around the 800 to 900 nm mark.

 

 

 

The L410 would be good for 250 maybe 300 if I flew it empty. Three fuel stops were in my future. Then theres there awesome cruise speed. Forget 400kts and and a flight time of an hour and a half. Oh no, there are Pipers out there that would pass the L410 like it wasn’t there. At around 200kts, I was expecting a flight time of 4 hours plus, and that didn’t include the fuel stops. As it was, I as payload limited leaving Gran Canaria. The first leg was around 250 nm. The cursing resumed and while I did the preflight inspection, I dreamed of voodoo dolls and pins for people. Climbing onboard did not improve my mood.

 

 

 

 

The L410, being a very ‘Cold war’ era aircraft featured Cyrillic script and metric instruments. Oh there was going to be a reckoning! Fortunately I know a few people, and a call to a friend the Slovakian government secured me an up to date English manual and a few user notes. With the doors closed and the engines running, I taxied out in this pimped out Cessna wannabe, and soon enough, I was in the air.

 

 

 

 

 

The Canary islands fell away and as I approached the clouds, I flicked on the autopilot. I needed a coffee, but this aircraft had nothing like a galley, and the best I could manage was a bottle of some kinds of spirit, or fuel tank cleaner, the label wasn’t specific and the smell was even less helpful. I decided that discretion was the better part of valour and returned the bottle from whence it came. At this point I noted the autopilot was doing grand job of keeping my course true, and a horrendous job at maintaining altitude. For the next two hours, George and I fought. Apparently the Altitude acquire function is more of a ‘more or less’ kind of thing.

 

 

 

 

Beginning my decent to my first fuel stop, I took control and made a right hand circuit before landing. Putting out the flaps was a scary experience I’d like not to repeat, as the aircrafts nose turned skyward in search of its on personal god. I land and head for the ramp for a splash and dash, as well as refuelling the aircraft.

 

 

 

with the fuel sorted, its back in the air for the next leg, a 180nm run to fuel stop two. At this point I phone base and unload a particularly nasty bout curse words, some of which have yet to be recognised by the official curse word dictionary, St Bastards chronicle of pigeonwittery! The upshot of which was that a new aircraft would be waiting for me at the next stop.

 

 

 

I arrive for fuel, having once again fought the L410 tired and cranky. I leave the damn thing on the ramp and go in search of my replacement. There’s not much to see. Only two aircraft are to be found. One single ATR and a private jet. I figure the private jet is for me since the ATR looks set for a scheduled service. It’s not open, but with a click, I fold down the steps and board the aircraft. Now this is more like it. English dials, glass cockpits and a fully stocked bar. It also means I can now fly direct to Banjul, cutting out the final fuel stop and shortening the final leg to just a 55 minute flight.

 

 

 

 

The challenger 300 is a dream to get up and running, and the excellent air con is really appreciated. I taxi out and wait while a piper lands. Then its off to the threshold and away to go. This time things are just awesome.

     I climb away, reaching 30000 with ease. The clouds stay far below and all to soon I’m on approach to Banjul. ITs here that once again, Mr. Cockup reappears. My clearance to land seems strange and I’m instructed to text to a remote stand. Not one to ignore ATC commands, I land and do as instructed. As I disembark, I’m greeted by the local police. It turns out I’ve stolen this jet! The aircraft I was meant to take was the arriving Piper. the cursing begins once again, but at least this time, I have a way out. A few bribes to the police on scene and I’m on the run. The baton is safely stored with the local police, while I plot a way to cross the border into Senegal and a flight home.

 

 

 

[mutley 4,487]

22 hours ago, Jess-b said:

As a member of the Mutley’s hangar crew, were all implanted with tracker chips,

That's not all Jess but I can't talk about that right now...

 

22 hours ago, Jess-b said:

With Andrew at the controls and Needles leaning out the door, they drew my captives attention, forcing them to chase after the Cessna, deeper in to jungle.

Oh sh*t, don't tell me Brian had his mankini on?!

 

It looks like the flight wasn't as straight forward as I had hoped, I've sent JohnL the bail money so you should be out within the next month or so.

 

Thanks Jess for completing this flight, I really enjoyed following it! 

[Captain Coffee 2,030]

A captivating account of your every wrong way possible PIREP out of the jungle and into a frying pan. 

Good luck on your getaway!

[hlminx 301]

On 07/08/2018 at 19:38, Jess-b said:

As a member of the Mutley’s hangar crew, were all implanted with tracker chips

 

Funny that.... an Oncology consultant picked up on something 'strange' and removed it about 11 months ago when i was rushed in for an Op I didn't need... Sharon, needs to remain totally untraceable.. [Sorry Joe ]

 

On 07/08/2018 at 19:38, Jess-b said:

I began the long story of love, hate, betrayal and despair that is being a Mutley’s crew member. Two days later, I found myself at Santiago Airport on a flight to Spain, a thousand peso’s in my pocket and a promise to catch up at Christmas

 

Perfect use of the Vancouver Syndrome to formulate your escape. I will definitely have to keep that one in my back pocket just in case.

 

On 08/08/2018 at 18:03, mutley said:

I've sent JohnL the bail money so you should be out within the next month or so

... I've sent a Jigsaw direct to you.. it will help pass the time a lot quicker..

 

 

As always, a flawless and immensely entertaining PIREP Jess. Vienna is calling.. safe travels home x

Edited August 15, 2018 by hlminx

[hurricanemk1c 195]

Nice flight and little aircraft!