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What a night I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license and all just because of a stupid police officer... The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my truck: Officer: "Li

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 AM. Can you believe that? 2:30 AM! Luckily for him, I was still up playing my bagpipes.

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A young woman started work in the small English village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.

The Chemist was going on holiday for a couple of days, and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own.

She had to confide in him her worries about selling condoms.

"Look" said the Chemist. "My regular customers don't ask for condoms; they ask for either:- a No 310 (small); or a No 320 (medium) or a No 330 (large). The word condom is never mentioned"

The first day was fine, but on the second day a large black guy came into the shop, put out his hand and said "350" please.

The girl panicked. 
She phoned the Chemist on his mobile and told him of her predicament.

"Look. Go back in and see if he has a bucket hanging between his legs," said the Chemist.

She peeped through the door, and saw the bucket hanging between the guy's legs.
"Yes!" she shouted down the phone. "He's got one hanging there!"

The boss replied, "Well, go back in there and give him £3.50 ... He's the window cleaner!" 

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The elderly lady handed her bank card to the teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £10”.
The teller told her “For withdrawals less than £100, please use the ATM.

The lady wanted to know why... The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her “These are the rules, please leave if there is no further matter. There is a line of customers behind you”.

The lady remained silent for a few seconds and handed her card back to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance.

She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, “You have £300,000 in your account but the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back again tomorrow?

The lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her ‘Any amount up to £3,000’.

“Well please let me have £3,000 now.”

The teller kindly handed £3,000, very friendly now, and with a smile to her.

The lady put £10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit £2,990 back into her account.

The moral of this story is .... ‘Don’t be difficult with seniors, we spent a lifetime learning the skill’.

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12 hours ago, brett said:

I'll keep reading that one Joe, maybe hoping I'll understand it.

A perch is a place where birds sit and a Perch is also a kind of fish.

You're welcome 😁

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11 hours ago, mutley said:

A perch is a place where birds sit and a Perch is also a kind of fish.

You're welcome 😁

:fool: Thank You. 

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and country bumpkin from outside Dublin found themselves in a pub with no other guests. The Englishman stepped forward and said, "Hello! I'm George, born on St. George’s Day, so my parents called me George after the Patron Saint of England!"
"That's uncanny, said the Scotsman, "my name is Andrew, and mine named me on St Andrew's Day, too!
The face of the farmer from Ireland lit up and said, "Heaven above! Amazing! Guess what...!"
Before he could answer, they both said, "Don't tell, it's Patrick, right?"
"No, he answered, it's Pancake."

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So Stevie Nix turned down a marriage proposal from Capt. Kirk/William Shatner... Turns out she couldn't face being known as Stevie Shatner Nix...

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