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Philmurfin

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About Philmurfin

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  • Name
    Phil Murfin
  • Location
    Matlock UK

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  1. Re blowin in the wind, they reckon it's all to do with global warming. Don't forget, "the times they are a changin".
  2. A rather ‘frustrated’ woman went to the supermarket to try to take her mind off her overly erotic thoughts. As she moved through the aisles she saw bananas and apples and so many things that made her recall rather than forget her erotic mood. She ended up buying far more than she needed. When she arrived at the checkout there was a young man packing bags. As he packed her bags his muscles gleamed under the fluorescent lights and she could make out the contours of his fit body under his tight T-shirt and trousers. She could hardly control herself. After she paid she asked the young man if he could help her to her car with her many heavy bags of groceries. The young man willingly obliged. As they walked through the carpark the lady finally lost control. She placed her hand on the young man’s bum and said “I have an itchy pussy”. To which the young man replied “You’ll have to show me where it is ’cause all these Japanese cars look the same to me”
  3. With all the politics going off in Spain recently, it reminded me of an occasion years ago when I went to spend a penny. On the wall in front of where I stood someone had scribed " Free Baader Meinofff" below it someone else had scribed " with every packet of cornflakes"
  4. A well respected doctor had sex with one of his female patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient was overwhelming. But every once in a while, he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go." But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering: "You're a veterinarian".
  5. This is a story of a man who worked at the post office. His job was to process all mail items that had illegible addresses. One day a letter came to his desk, addressed, in shaky handwriting, to God. He thought, "I better open this one and see what it's all about." So he opened it and it read: "Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had a hundred dollars in it which was all the money I had until my next pension check." "Next Sunday is Easter, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with." "I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?" The postal worker was touched, and went around showing the letter to all the others. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected 96 dollars, which they put into an envelope and sent over to her. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of the nice thing they had done. Easter came and went, and a few days later came another letter from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: "Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?" "Because of your generosity, I was able to fix a lovely dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. " "By the way, there was 4 dollars missing. It was no doubt those thieving bastards at the post office."
  6. My neighbour still has a milkman, he gets his milk delivered about half five every morning, too expensive for me!
  7. Quote....Yep....I remember those days of milk delivery as I lived in the UK. In fact, I was in the county next to you, Phil :-) Which one, there are five?
  8. Home milk deliveries still happen in some areas, but the' older brigade’ will no doubt recall both milk and bread had regular home deliveries. Enjoy, here is a collection of notes left in milk bottles.... ** Dear milkman: I've just had a baby, please leave another one. ** Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk. ** Cancel one pint after the day after today. ** Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it. ** Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk. ** Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today. ** Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole. ** Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks. ** Sorry about yesterday's note, I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round. ** When you leave my milk please knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress. ** Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last night's Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea? ** My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle? ** Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me. ** Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant. ** Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it. ** From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk. ** My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight. ** Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.. ** Milkman, please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS Don't leave any milk. ** No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.
  9. Thanks, I enjoyed them. I live in Bakewell, only 40 mins away. I must call in again for a cuppa soon! Phil
  10. What's the name of the Spanish chap leaving hospital ? Man well
  11. what's the name of the Spanish man who had his vehicle stolen? Carloss
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