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allardjd

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allardjd last won the day on June 26

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About allardjd

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  • Birthday 24/12/1946

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  • Name
    John Allard
  • Location
    Florida - USA

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  1. Names I like: Covid 1984 Kung Flu Chinese Lung Rot Winnie the Flu Bat Soup Fever Fu Man (Ah) Chu - - - Quarantine is when you restrict the movement of sick people. Tyranny is when you restrict the movement of healthy people. - - - Seen on-line: Now that I've experienced a real plague I understand why Italian Renaissance paintings are mostly of fat naked people on couches. - - - New logic Swiss cheese - not racist Italian sausage - not racist Brazilian wax - not racist Belgian Waffle - not racist Cuban sandwich - not racist English bulldog - not racist Irish coffee - not racist Roman candle - not racist Pekingese - not racist Spanish flu - not racist Chinese food - not racist French braid - not racist German potato salad - not racist Russian roulette - not racist Indian casino - not racist Canadian bacon - not racist Irish whisky - not racist Mexican food - not racist Labrador retriever - not racist Brazilian steak house - not racist French kiss - not racist Egyptian cotton - not racist Italian dressing - not racist Irish setter - not racist Colombian coffee - not racist English muffin - not racist Spanish inquisition - not racist Roman catholic - not racist Danish pastry - not racist Scottish fling - not racist Turkish delight - not racist Singapore sling - not racist Manchurian candidate - not racist Scotch whisky - not racist French poodle - not racist Scotch pine - not racist Chinese flu - RACIST
  2. Seen on-line: I told my wife how thankful I am to have someone I enjoyed being quarantined with. She said, "Must be nice." - - - Overheard phone conversation... "Hello, virus hot-line? I'd like to report someone not living in fear." - - - Covid 19 or Covid 1984? - - - Millions of dogs are wondering why all their humans have been muzzled. - - -
  3. Chinese citizen asked for his opinion on how his government had performed handling the virus... "I can't say." - - - Coronavirus arrives in the US. Mexico: So, about that wall.... - - - I know a great joke about Corona Virus, you probably won't get it though. - - - Seen on-line: We are 11 days into self-isolation and it is really upsetting to see my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly with tears running down her cheeks. I've considered letting her in many times but rules are rules. - - -
  4. Idea for the authorities: Let Chik-fil-A administer testing at their drive-through windows. The entire country would be tested by midnight, unless done on a Sunday. - - - A Panda feeds for approximately 12 hours per day. It's the same for a quarantined adult human, which is why it's called a pandemic. - - - Governor Whitmer of Michigan has relented a little and will now permit Michigan residents to leave their homes to get their fish shanties off the lakes anytime after May 1.
  5. Coffee filters can be used to make face masks - a coughy filter, I guess. Homeschool Day 5: I wonder how I can get this kid transferred out of my class? Homeschool Day 6: Two students suspended for fighting; one teacher fired for drinking on the job. Dark humor is like the Chinese Lung Rot - not everyone gets it.
  6. Lonely? Glue a coffee cup to your car roof. Every one will wave at you. - - - The doc says I should spend an hour a day on the treadmill. Have you ever tried to sleep on one of them? It's really uncomfortable but a yoga pad on the belt and a pillow and blanket help a little. - - -
  7. The media is reporting the ratio of males to females who are getting the Chinese plague. Apparently the other 57 genders are immune. Need another reason to avoid shaking hands? Remember that many people are out of toilet paper. Seen on-line... “To those turning in your neighbors and local businesses — you did the Reich thing.”
  8. Best answer to "What was your biggest waste of money?" A: A 2020 Day planner
  9. Hmm - Tracy or Yoko? I'll pass on both. That decision took about four microseconds.
  10. Day 7 of self-isolation: Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems nice. He's a web designer. They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store. They lied - everyone else had clothes on. My body has absorbed so much disinfectant lately I can clean the toilet by peeing.
  11. How is everyone enjoying the 30-day free trial of Socialism?
  12. Sorry, I'm self-isolating and can't go on your guilt trip. After I'm out of isolation, I'm pretty sure I can find another reason not to. Maybe nature is telling us not to eat bats and snakes and pangolins and to not lie to other nations about infectious diseases.
  13. For the first time in history, we can save the human race by laying in front of the television and doing nothing. Lets not screw this up, people.
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