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allardjd

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Posts posted by allardjd


  1. Names I like:

    • Covid 1984
    • Kung Flu
    • Chinese Lung Rot
    • Winnie the Flu
    • Bat Soup Fever
    • Fu Man (Ah) Chu

    - - -

    Quarantine is when you restrict the movement of sick people.  Tyranny is when you restrict the movement of healthy people.

    - - - 
    Seen on-line:

    Now that I've experienced a real plague I understand why Italian Renaissance paintings are mostly of fat naked people on couches.

    - - -

    New logic

    • Swiss cheese - not racist
    • Italian sausage - not racist
    • Brazilian wax - not racist
    • Belgian Waffle - not racist
    • Cuban sandwich - not racist
    • English bulldog - not racist
    • Irish coffee - not racist
    • Roman candle - not racist
    • Pekingese - not racist
    • Spanish flu - not racist
    • Chinese food - not racist
    • French braid - not racist
    • German potato salad - not racist
    • Russian roulette - not racist
    • Indian casino - not racist
    • Canadian bacon - not racist
    • Irish whisky - not racist
    • Mexican food - not racist
    • Labrador retriever - not racist
    • Brazilian steak house - not racist
    • French kiss - not racist
    • Egyptian cotton - not racist
    • Italian dressing - not racist
    • Irish setter - not racist
    • Colombian coffee - not racist
    • English muffin - not racist
    • Spanish inquisition - not racist
    • Roman catholic - not racist
    • Danish pastry - not racist
    • Scottish fling - not racist
    • Turkish delight - not racist
    • Singapore sling - not racist
    • Manchurian candidate - not racist
    • Scotch whisky - not racist
    • French poodle - not racist
    • Scotch pine - not racist
    • Chinese flu - RACIST

     

    • Haha 2

  2. Chinese citizen asked for his opinion on how his government had performed handling the virus...

    "I can't say."

    - - -

    Coronavirus arrives in the US.

    Mexico: So, about that wall....

    - - - 

    I know a great joke about Corona Virus, you probably won't get it though.

    - - -

    Seen on-line:

    We are 11 days into self-isolation and it is really upsetting to see my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly with tears running down her cheeks.  I've considered letting her in many times but rules are rules.

    - - -

    • Haha 3

  3. Idea for the authorities:  Let Chik-fil-A administer testing at their drive-through windows.  The entire country would be tested by midnight, unless done on a Sunday.

    - - -

    A Panda feeds for approximately 12 hours per day.  It's the same for a quarantined adult human, which is why it's called a pandemic.

    - - -

    Governor Whitmer of Michigan has relented a little and will now permit Michigan residents to leave their homes to get their fish shanties off the lakes anytime after May 1.

    • Haha 1

  4. 21 hours ago, dogtrack said:

    There is another line of thought....   That nature has had enough of the polution and destruction to the Planet, caused by the human race.  Time to attempt a remedy ??  :yikes:

    Sorry, I'm self-isolating and can't go on your guilt trip.  After I'm out of isolation, I'm pretty sure I can find another reason not to.

    Maybe nature is telling us not to eat bats and snakes and pangolins and to not lie to other nations about infectious diseases.  

     

    • Like 1
    • Haha 1

  5. I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store.  They open at 8:00 with one hour designated for seniors only. 

    A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

    He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away. 

    As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."

    • Haha 3

  6. Heard a psychiatrist on TV say to have inner peace during these uncertain times that we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives.

    I looked through my house for things I'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Scotch, a bottle of Tequila, a bodle of some old Pinot, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz.  You haf no idr how fablus I fele rite now. Sned this to alll who neeed inner piss. An telum u luvum.

    • Haha 2
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