Qantas engineers gripe sheet.

[mutley 4,498]

This is old but worth repeating.

After every flight, pilots fill out a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics any problem they had with the airplane during the flight.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then explain in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken.

The pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.

Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot)

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineer)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet-per-minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

If anyone knows any more, please share!

Cheers!

[ddavid 149]

Loved 'em, Joe - even a third time round, they're still hilarious!!

Cheers - Dai. :roll:

[dgor 0]

A few more:

Defect: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.

Action: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

Defect: Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten.

Action: Fresh seat cushion on order.

Defect: Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.

Action: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!

Defect: Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.

Action: Pilot removed from aircraft.

Defect: Pilot's clock inoperative.

Action: Wound clock.

Defect: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds.

Action: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.

Defect: #2 ADF needle runs wild.

Action: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.

Defect: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.

Action: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.

Defect: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer.

Action: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.

Defect: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment.

Action: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.

Defect: Flight attendant cold at altitude.

Action: Ground checks OK.

Defect: 3 roaches in cabin.

Action: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.

Defect: Weather radar went ape!

Action: Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess!

Dave

[mutley 4,498]

Thanks Dave, I love these!

Cheers