Dog V Cat

[mutley 4,498]

I saw this posted on another forum and just had to copy it here as it rings so true!

THE DOG'S DIARY:

7 am- Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!

8 am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!

9 am- Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!

Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favourite!

2 pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favourite!

3 pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!

4 pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favourite!

6 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favourite!

7 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favourite!

8 pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!

9 pm- Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favourite!

11 pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favourite!

THE CAT'S DIARY:

Day 207 of my captivity...

My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair - must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.

The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.

The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait. It's only a matter of time...

:yes:

Cheers

[allardjd 1,853]

Pretty much sums it up.

I've heard you own a dog, you feed a cat.

John

[MartinW 0]

I thought it was great Mutley, however my beloved Scratchy was less than impressed.

He asked me to pass on these words. [Roughly translated from the original cat]

Dogface, may your swollen anal glands cause you great discomfort and your mangy flesh disintegrate before your very eyes.

My beloved MartinW is NOT my captor; he is my friend, mentor and blood brother. I slashed his wrist just yesterday so that our blood would mingle in the true Apache style but I don't think he understood.

I DO NOT eat dry cereal [shudder the thought] I eat only the best Whiskas.

I do not eat houseplants…I urinate on them instead.

I never vomit on furniture, although I did once vomit on MartinW's flight sim add-on CD case, I think he was very pleased with me as it wasn't on the new carpet, my aim was first class, only a feline can vomit with such precision. [i'd had some grass again [man] for medicinal purposes only you understand]

Just thought I should set the record straight.

[mutley 4,498]

Uncle Martin,

Now I know who has been feeding you all those lines of abuse about me :yes:

Tell Scratchy to keep of the grass!

Cheers

[MartinW 0]

Tell Scratchy to keep of the grass!

I'll tell him when he regains consciousness Mut. He’s feline psychedelic at the moment. :rofl

[mutley 4,498]

I'll tell him when he regains consciousness Mut. He’s feline psychedelic at the moment. :rofl

:yes:

[MartinW 0]

Yes, he got the stuff from a :yes: concert. :wink:

[allardjd 1,853]

You guys are incorrigible...