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Everything posted by Philmurfin

  1. There's Bono, in the spotlight. He signals for silence. The crowd obeys. Then he starts clicking his fingers, once every second, echoing over the silent faces. *click* *click* Then he starts to speak in a low, solemn, Irish drawl. *click* “Every time I click my fingers…” *click* “A child dies in Africa.” *click* A lone, clear voice soars out from the crowd… *click* “WELL, STOP CLICKING YOUR SODDING FINGERS!”
  2. Three men are stranded on an island. They are close to starvation, when a Native Tribe finds them and takes them back to their camp. The leader says:" Go in a jungle and bring back a fruit, then we will let you live". They go out looking for fruits, the first guy comes back with a peach. The leader says:" Now take the peach and shove it up your ass, if you laugh, we will kill you." He attempts it but has to laugh so they cut his head off. The second man appears back from his trip with a grape. The leader gives him the same instructions, but the second guy doesn't seem to have any
  3. In 1945 the Second World War a soldier was asked by the regimental medical orderly when he had last had sex with a woman. He replied 1943 sir. The orderly was surprised and said that was a long time ago. The soldier looked at his watch and said well it is only 20.45 now sir.
  4. Here's a topical one for you all: A man with suspected Corona virus is lying in a hospital bed with a face mask on waiting to be seen. A trainee nurse comes to give the man a bed bath. The man asks “Are my testicles black?" The nurse replies “I'm here to give you a bed bath" The man asks again slightly more agitated this time “Ok, but can you look to see if my testicles are black?” The nurse replies “Sir I'm only supposed to give you a bed bath upper body and feet" The man rather breathless this time manages to ask one more time, “Please, are my testicles bla
  5. Thanks Brett and God bless you too. Have a lovely Christmas.
  6. It was grandmother's 100 th birthday party and everyone was trying to make her comfortable and taking good care of her. Suddenly granny tilted to the left and someone immediately propped a pillow. Again after sometime she tilted to the right and the worried relatives propped her up with a pillow. Right enough after sometime she again tilted in front of her and a kind soul propped her up and tied her to the chair. Her nephew arrived and asked how she was and how everyone was treating her. Granny whispered in his ear ,"The buggers won't let me fart ".
  7. Hi Brian, here's a link to the one that I use that I'm so pleased with - Phil https://gaming.tobii.com/product/eye-tracker-5/
  8. Hiya Jo, things may well have changed over 5 years, Tobii is not only an eye tracker it's an eye and\or head tracker, so you can move your eyes and turn your head as we do in real life. The thing with Tobii that I like is that it is so easy and natural, you load your sim, make a brew, come back sit down and off you go. It isn't fussy as to where you sit, whether there's any light behind you, no clips to attach, hats to wear or user position to set up. You just sit down and you're in the cockpit, closer to the screen brings you closer to the panel, sit back and you're further awa
  9. I have recently set up with a Tobii eye tracker and I can honestly say that it is the best add on that that I have ever purchased. Over the years I have tried all the usual things like Track IR and VR headsets etc. However, nothing has ever even got close to giving me the true feeling of immersion like this piece of kit does, there is nothing to wear or attach, it is so easy to set up and it is just so very, very life like and not at all temperamental. OK, it's not cheap, about £200, but for the amount of satisfaction I'm getting via my single 50" 4k screen, it's simply am
  10. I recently spent £16,500 on this registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyway......I had the Vet come and take a look at him. He said,, the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbour's cows! He's like a machine! I don't
  11. Here's an interesting article with pics of the Lightning being built back in 1961. https://www.lancs.live/news/local-news/nostalgia/preston-built-fighter-jets-protected-23418709
  12. Failure Rate for SSDs It's interesting to see these figures so we can compare them to HDD failures. Best advice is to remember to always back up your valuable data. https://www.backblaze.com/blog/ssd-edition-2021-drive-stats-review
  13. Whenever I've been on I have always found it to be a friendly place. I also really like the joke section and contribute from time to time. Phil
  14. Abbso blinkin lutely, I'll be the first in the queue.
  15. He was a genuine nice guy. God bless him and his family.
  16. The Golden Saloon A guy comes home completely drunk one night, he lurches through the doorand is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.‘Where the hell have you been all night?’ she demands.‘At this fantastic new bar,’ he says. ‘The Golden Saloon, everything there is golden.It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works – hell, even the urinal’s gold!’The wife still doesn’t believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book,finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon.She calls up the place to check her husband’s story.‘Is this the Gold
  17. Sorry, I must be the wrong Phil, I'm very happy with my AMD Vega 11 thanks. Best.... Phil M
  18. It would be good if they would sort their silly tower blocks out. I live in the Peak District National Park, not an area known for tower block, shame the msfs scenery designers don't understand that. The 500year old farm accross the road is a tower block, I live in an even older property, oh no I don't it's a modern red brick bungalow, hey oh!
  19. I like that one, thanks. Here's a few puns.... · Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! · How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it. · England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. · I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. · They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo. · I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. · Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. · I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time. · I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. · This girl said she
  20. A penguin walked into the bar and said I’m looking for my brother. “What does he look like” asked the barman.
  21. Nellie the elephant has tested positive for covid. When asked where she got it from she said TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP
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