Captain Coffee 2,030 Posted December 2, 2015 Report Share Posted December 2, 2015 Well...Substitute a word here and there from a famous Flower Era Song, and hum this precautionary tale to yourself should the need arise:If you go to Old JamaicaBe sure they don't put flowers in your beer...Sorry about the Jamaica Delay...but between waiting myself down here for over a week for the baton, then my Birthday ariving just as the baton did...caused a Well Intention-ed Pre-Birthday party to go awry when someone slipped a "Flower Extract" into my beer...it must have been some powerful stuff, or a generous birthday dose, but I found myself the next morning with a head full of something far worse than a headache after a bender...i was STONED...and totally unfit to fly the baton.Regrettably, Pete had already passed off the baton and headed to his own party when I realize what had happened...and began a strict course of Copious Water, Golden Seal, and a few other concoctions recommended by a colorfully clad Doctor recommended by a few of my new friends who occasionally due to their jobs, needed to Pee Clean in a hurry once in a while.Sadly, my metabolism wanted to hang onto that stuff far longer than I did. The day after End of first week of flushing Mid Next week End of Second week. I don't see any change in my positive state here...and am feeling quite negative about my new friends' advice.Ominous message arrives in the email: It is from ATWC headquarters. Col. Stu is chomping at the bit to get the baton moving and has sent a "Move along" order...gah...I can't fly with those test results! And no way to Sneak a ride out of here either, at least not with Me at the helm...rumor got out that I am a flight risk, and no one will rent me an airplane.Plan-B: Pat Moran is busy and can't come to the rescue.Plan CC: I haul out the credit card and book a flight...but...suddenly I find I can't book a regular flight! Somewhere in the world there is a Matt Gardner on a No Fly list, and they can't sell me a ticket without confirming I am That Matt, or not that Matt rather. I had encountered this problem a couple years ago in Sacramento while booking a commercial flight, but the Airline was able to do some quick sleuthing and verified I was a legit Non Terrorist Version of Matt Gardner...and I got my flight in short order. Not so lucky in Jamaica, their system still had me in it, and this is Not California, and they were unable to Legit Me for a flight today, or this week, or even give me an estimate as to when they can clear me...fark, fark, fark.I head for a Charter company further down the terminal. They tell me that can charter me a flight, but there are no other passengers at this time and they don't have any cargo to haul either, and I would have to charter the entire airplane. I tried to negotiate a Professional Discount as the owner of a Hauling company, and explained my predicament, in too much detail as the agent didn't see his way to compassion, and instead saw $$ signs and added a 5% Hazardous Cargo charge...for me being a potential drug criminal fleeing Jamaica...sigh.I stop complaining before this gets more expensive and "Call" and cut my losses, and fork over the company credit card....with very very little hope that Joe will help cover any of this expense. The Baton's Private Coach is an Ex-Continental Express BAE-146, and it cost a pretty penny to rent it for a quick flight, and it occurs to me that this not yet repainted bird is probably being used for it's maiden shake down flight at my expense... Our Seat, up against a bulkhead, and despite chartering the entire airplane, I am told I have to remain in my assigned seat, just in case of an accident I can be identified by my seat assignment...??!!!Really? Really? An empty damned plane and there is some concern that my lonely single corpse could be misidentified if I am in the wrong seat...omfg beurocrats...I will have to look at this Piece of shite artwork the entire flight...thankfully it will be short I look across the aisle, that artwork over there looks a bit more pleasant at least.I pop across for a quick closer look at it, but am quickly shooed back to my Assigned Seat. An MD80 is taking off ahead of us... After a short wait...zooom...it's on its way and we creep forward into position: And a short time later it is our turn to rotate: Leaving Jamaica behind Looking wistfully at that bird painting across the aisle: Yuck...what a mess. Getting a bit misty out...might be some weather ahead...i prefer that view over there when possible. (Just as an aside...please tell me that Jamaican pilots don't have more fun...because that guy looks like he would pee funkier than I...) Approaching Columbia and the end of perhaps the most expensive baton trip ever... Over Colombian Soil. Touchdown: Taxi to parking: We have arrived at our ramp spot, no terminal for this Charter Flight: And a shot of our ride upon walking to the terminal with baton and carryon bag in tow. Joe, you will find me at the terminal bar, flushing with beer and tequila this time. I plan to fly out of here on my own wings no matter how long it takes. Perhaps we can discuss reimbursement for this charter flight? I mean...I didn't slip myself the joy juice..I am a victim of Jamaica...merci pork u. Addons used: MS FSX/acceleration Just Flight BAE-146 ORBx Base/Global ASNext Weather Marijuana (unintentional) Beer. (as much as possible) /Cheers :D Link to post Share on other sites
hurricanemk1c 195 Posted December 2, 2015 Report Share Posted December 2, 2015 Excellent and interesting way of doing the flight Matt! Link to post Share on other sites
stu7708 244 Posted December 2, 2015 Report Share Posted December 2, 2015 Taking the "easy" way out are you Well put together, and I had a smile on my face as I read it. Agree on that Jamaican Pilot, he looks way to happy for a BAE 146-pilot.. perhaps he was used to flying smaller things and couldn't believe his luck getting a chance at the jets! Link to post Share on other sites
J G 927 Posted December 2, 2015 Report Share Posted December 2, 2015 Nice and different flight Matt. Well done for your perseverance in moving the Baton on! I might be able to put you in touch with a rehab clinic if you ever are in the UK. Link to post Share on other sites
brett 2,315 Posted December 2, 2015 Report Share Posted December 2, 2015 Just when you thought you have seen it all. Just remember, that excuse only works once. Great PIREP Matt, get clean and hope to see you on the next one. Link to post Share on other sites
Bruce (a.k.a. brian747) 142 Posted December 2, 2015 Report Share Posted December 2, 2015 <grin> Certainly a *different* sort of PIREP: well done, Matt! A great tale. Cheers, bruce a.k.a. brian747 Link to post Share on other sites
mutley 4,498 Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 Crikey! My head was swimming just reading your PIREP. See you in the bar! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Please sign in to comment
You will be able to leave a comment after signing in
Sign In Now