dodgy-alan 1,587 Posted February 13, 2017 Report Share Posted February 13, 2017 I was chatting to a guy the other day about childrens names. I mentioned about some people naming theirs after the places they were conceived, i.e. Brooklyn, Paris, etc. He replied, "Yeah we did that as well. We've got 2 boys and a girl, their names are, Transit Van, Tescos Car Park and Cineworld Basildon! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Captain Coffee 2,030 Posted February 13, 2017 Report Share Posted February 13, 2017 7 hours ago, dodgy-alan said: I was chatting to a guy the other day about childrens names. I mentioned about some people naming theirs after the places they were conceived, i.e. Brooklyn, Paris, etc. He replied, "Yeah we did that as well. We've got 2 boys and a girl, their names are, Transit Van, Tescos Car Park and Cineworld Basildon! ^Aviationing that up a bit^ Louie Conomy Cock Pitt Pi Lot Barr TSA Felt Alott 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hifly 925 Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 Booked a table for two for a romantic date tonight with Kate. She hasn't played snooker before, I hopes she likes it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Holdit 106 Posted February 14, 2017 Report Share Posted February 14, 2017 A chess player is wandering around the city between games at a weekend tournament, when he is approached by a hooker. "Hello love, fancy a good time?" she says. "You bet!" he says, taking out a pocket set "What's your grading?" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dodgy-alan 1,587 Posted February 19, 2017 Report Share Posted February 19, 2017 Rapper Will I Am has discovered has relatives in both Yorkshire and Ireland. The one in Yorkshire is called Will E Eckerslike and the Irish one is Will Oil Beef Hooked! Link to post Share on other sites
Holdit 106 Posted February 23, 2017 Report Share Posted February 23, 2017 A recent study has shown that six out of seven dwarves aren't happy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
J G 927 Posted February 23, 2017 Report Share Posted February 23, 2017 Mats post reminded me of that infamous barmaid, contactable at: Mary Likesit The Cock Welwyn Tillit Herts. Can I say that here? it is only an address after all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
J G 927 Posted February 23, 2017 Report Share Posted February 23, 2017 (edited) Talking of names, A UK program comedy chat show called The last leg showed a clip of a guy being interviewed by a US TV program. The mans name was Mike Litoris Apparently he was hard to find. Edited February 23, 2017 by J G Updated with video Link to post Share on other sites
hifly 925 Posted February 23, 2017 Report Share Posted February 23, 2017 (edited) 6 hours ago, Holdit said: A recent study has shown that six out of seven dwarves aren't happy. The seven dwarfs were in the bath all feeling Happy. When Happy got out they all felt Grumpy. Edited February 23, 2017 by hifly Link to post Share on other sites
hifly 925 Posted February 23, 2017 Report Share Posted February 23, 2017 A thief fell into the combine harvester he was attempting to steal. Police say he'll be baled tomorrow. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tristarcaptain 282 Posted February 23, 2017 Report Share Posted February 23, 2017 A man was arrested for stealing car batteries. He will be charged tomorrow...... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Captain Coffee 2,030 Posted February 23, 2017 Report Share Posted February 23, 2017 A Cop was having a bad day, and arrested a minority without grounds simply for being Black. After a week in jail, his Public Defender was able to get him a plee deal and reduced the charges to "Brown" with a small fine..demonstrating that it is still possible for a minority to beat an unlawful arrest and get out of the US justice system without a felony if they are Asian. Link to post Share on other sites
Philmurfin 51 Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 what's the name of the Spanish man who had his vehicle stolen? Carloss 1 Link to post Share on other sites
brett 2,284 Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 Childbirth at 65 With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit. 'May I see the new baby?' I asked 'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.' Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?' 'No, not yet,' She said. After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?' 'No, not yet,' replied my friend. Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?' 'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me. 'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?' 'BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him, O.K.?' Link to post Share on other sites
allardjd 1,853 Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 God gives children to young people for two reasons... They're stronger, and they don't know any better. John 1 Link to post Share on other sites
brett 2,284 Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. “Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?” I asked. Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me", she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Centre and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her. I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club. She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 78 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her. She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?! This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club." "Oh man, I'm in trouble again,” I said, “I really don't know what to do. I signed up for five jumps a week!!" The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted. Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hifly 925 Posted February 24, 2017 Report Share Posted February 24, 2017 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eland2705 16 Posted February 26, 2017 Report Share Posted February 26, 2017 (edited) On 24/02/2017 at 19:44, Philmurfin said: what's the name of the Spanish man who had his vehicle stolen? Carloss What's the name of the Greek paratrooper? Con Descending What's the name of the Greek bloke who always argued? Con Tensious Edited February 26, 2017 by eland2705 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CAT3508 337 Posted February 26, 2017 Report Share Posted February 26, 2017 What the Greek policeman sits down at ? "Cons Table" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Philmurfin 51 Posted February 27, 2017 Report Share Posted February 27, 2017 What's the name of the Spanish chap leaving hospital ? Man well 1 Link to post Share on other sites
allardjd 1,853 Posted February 27, 2017 Report Share Posted February 27, 2017 Mexican workman - Manual Labor Chinese manure spreader - Hee Flung Dung ....and who could forget the fictitious, tongue-in-cheek crew names published after the Asiana crash at KSFO... Sum Ting Wong Wi Tu Lo Ho Lee Fuk Bang Ding Ow 1 Link to post Share on other sites
allardjd 1,853 Posted February 27, 2017 Report Share Posted February 27, 2017 The nationalities of three men at a brothel - one entering, one being serviced, one leaving. Russian Himalayan Finnish 3 Link to post Share on other sites
allardjd 1,853 Posted February 27, 2017 Report Share Posted February 27, 2017 Two Mexican firefighters - Hose A and Hose B 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mutley 4,487 Posted February 27, 2017 Author Report Share Posted February 27, 2017 50 minutes ago, allardjd said: Mexican workman - Manual Labor Chinese manure spreader - Hee Flung Dung ....and who could forget the fictitious, tongue-in-cheek crew names published after the Asiana crash at KSFO... Sum Ting Wong Wi Tu Lo Ho Lee Fuk Bang Ding Ow You are so bad John! Link to post Share on other sites
Quickmarch 488 Posted February 28, 2017 Report Share Posted February 28, 2017 The Art Of Conversing With Spouse With a very seductive voice a wife asked her husband "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No" said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile unbuttoned top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage created by a soft, silky pushup bra and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly. She then asked "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No I haven't" he said, an anxious tone in his voice. She gave him another sexy little smile pulled up her skirt, seductively reached into her tight sheer panties and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation. "Now" she said "Have you ever seen 50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?" "No way" he said becoming even more aroused and excited to which she replied: "Go look in the garage." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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